27
Being here and meaning it
Whenever someone asks me what I want out of life, my typical response is, "I just want to live on my own terms." The good thing is, I have kept to that promise to this day.
The thing is, no one tells you that in living life on your own terms sometimes you will be uncertain what next to do. Sometimes it is a lot more nuanced than that, it asks more of you than instinct alone can answer, and the only way through is to keep showing up regardless.
Today was my birthday. The day I officially turn 27, by the calculations I am accustomed to. And today, of all days, was also the day I lived most visibly on my own terms.
Usually, I would ghost days like this, but today felt different, so I showed up. As chaotic as I did, and even better, as authentic as I could. Because I have come to understand that living on your own terms does not mean staying rigid. As much as there is structure, there is also room for flexibility.
There are moments when adjusting fits best, and there are moments when staying still will save the day. Knowing when to employ both, however, is still entirely up to your own volition, and that discernment, I think, is something you only develop by living through enough moments where you chose wrong and survived anyway.
It is 27 now. Three years closer to the almighty 30. I am not afraid of turning 30 as I believe life does not end there, but I am reminded, even today, that my bones will soon begin questioning themselves, and I will have to meet that reality when it arrives, with whatever grace is available to me at the time.
So today, in this moment, I am grateful. Grateful to witness my own youth while experiencing the passage of time. Grateful for the ability to decide what I do with the days I am given, and for the awareness to know that the deciding itself is a gift.
Happy birthday, Ruth 🥳